Teething

Luckily it was nearly 30 years ago that I was teething myself and I can't remember it. When I look at my baby and the pain she is in I realize that it must be really painful. Luckily I know that we all went through it and we all survived. It started when she was about 4 months. The drew ling, biting on things and the red cheeks. We thought we can handle this it ain't that bad. Until she got worst. She started actually banging her head. Now 7 months old she has 1 tooth and more to come quickly going by the red gums and red cheeks. A lot of distraction tactics are used to keep her from noticing the pain. The sooner they are all up the sooner I will have my peace back. Although she will be walking soon to so one pain replaced by another.

The rule of three

If it isn't food, it is wind. If it isn't wind it is a dirty nappy..
These are these three things my baby wanted in the first three months. Only three but I always seemed to forget one of them. Even after checking all of them she was still unhappy. All I could do was check the three again. And then she slept and slept and slept. When she was awake and she would smile it made it all worth it. I was told it was wind but I took it as a smile because it would cheer me up thinking it was a smile. It was like having a doll that moved, my baby girl didn't cry that much ( only when I forgot one of the three). The first few months it does always come down to the rule of three. And then she actually started smiling but this was also the time that there was more then just the rule of three. I was wishing time away but now I miss the easiness of the rule of three.

The valley is deep so the mountain will be twice as high

It is not easy to stay positive when in that deep valley. The mountain seems higher and steeper then it is. The key for me is not to get stressed. Stress doesn't help me with my illnesses (MS and a blood disease). Trying to get anything of the government that will help me is difficult and very stressful. Maybe I deserve to get it like people tell me very kindly but just because I deserve to get it doesn't mean I will get it. People tell me to lay it on I have more chance. Back when Ireland (This is not only the case in Ireland) had money when sick you could get anything. Unfortunately for me this is no longer the case now you have to fight for help. I am happy that in government they finally a little sense and that they are making it harder for anybody just to get it.
There is no point in trying to point a finger because that won't get me anything. I will just have to be strong. Look after my self and baby and forget about the rest. Not a very happy e-mail but I had to get rid of the negativity to make space for the positive feelings.

Strenght

It takes strenght to admit that you need help. I am not just saying that to make myself feel better I personally believe it. I always believed that being strong meant I had to do it myself. Asking for help was showing weakness. After falling of the stairs a lot more came down then just me. Like my stubbornness asking for help and always having to do it myself.
I learned asking for help is harder then doing it myself. there is nothing wrong with asking for help. I learned to ask for help without feeling bad about it. I ask without using pity or guilt and people can say yes or now. I found that majority of the time people will help if they can are are happy to help.
Because before I never asked for help people know that I must really need it if I ask for it now.
I know (I am not a psychic but I have to stay positive) that one day I will be able to return the favour. Return it by being 100% healthy. I will get there.

Falling down the stairs

I had my two hands full. My breakfast in the one hand and bottles of vitamins in the other. I had managed to walk up to the top of the stairs. That is when I felt myself slowly leaning back wards. I realised that it wasn't good. I dropped everything. It was too late I had started to fall backwards. I didn't manage to grab the rail. I fell 2 steps at a time. After bouncing twice on the steps I manged to half turn instinctively. This was when I started crying for help. "Help me. Help me"but it was too late. I can still remember the feeling of terror and pain.
I hit of the stairs 3 times before I hit the tiled floor. I manged to turn on my side by the time I hit the floor. My knee hit the wall at the bottom of the stairs. The last thing to hit was my head of the ground. At least I couldn't go any further. From the fall and the shock the breath was taken out of me. For a few seconds I couldn't breathe. The fall made me realise that it is less painful and easier to ask for help and admit I can't do everything yet. It made my wall of resistance come down with a crash too.

Just come back tomorrow

All of the sudden it is not that easy to just come back tomorrow.  It took everything out of me to do what I did in the first place. I started off at the doctor with my 4 month old my baby for her vaccination. From there I walked on and bought a toilet seat. After that I decided to go to the post office to sort out the baby’s passport. On m way I passed a pharmacy where I got my own antibiotics for my kidney infection. Final stop the post office, I thought I had everything for her passport. I just had enough money for it and a taxi home. I had all the forms signed and two pictures. I had just walked about a mile and felt it all through my body. If it hadn’t been for the pram and the many breaks I wouldn’t have made it. Tired and in pain I was happy to be going home soon and having done all my jobs in town. There was no cue and I walked straight up and handed over all the papers. I was then told I needed a passport of one of the parents to send it with the forms. That was the drop that made the bucket flood as we would say in Dutch. I started crying especially when she said just come back tomorrow. I wanted to say to her no I can’t just come back tomorrow I have no money left for a taxi or the power and energy in my body. It is amazing how some things are so easily said but not for everybody that easily done. It is not her fault I look very healthy and having a baby must mean I am healthy. Never judge a book by its cover. Luckily I do look healthy because one day I will be as healthy as I look. I walked a mile with the aid of a pram but I did it. I will be able to walk before my baby will. Till that day I will not just come back tomorrow

Missy and Tailly

Missy and Tailly are the best of friends.


Where ever missy goes Tailly follows

Sometimes Tailly wants to go first

Tailly tries to go past missy but can’t go past her head.



Tailly is taller than missy

Tailly can turn very quickly from left to right

Tailly is great to keep a look out



Missy loves fish

When there is fish on the kitchen counter,

Missy will eat it while Tailly is on the look out



Missy loves attention and cuddles

Tailly prefers to knock everything of the coffee table



When Tailly gets hurt Missy Feels it too

Missy screams and runs away with Tailly

They find a quiet place out of everybody’s way

Missy then looks after Tailly and tries to lick the pain away



When missy is a sleep,

Tailly will stay awake to make sure missy is safe.

After a while Tailly becomes to tired

And cuddles into missy and also falls a sleep.

Control

Control over your own life and destiny. It is my life and I have the control, I can make it or break it. It is up to me to look after my health and to strenghten my body. I can choose to do different things. I can decide to do something new like kinesiology and to do the things that worked in the past and that my body recognises like dancing. If I want to be a published writer it is up to me to do different things to get there. Help is always welcome and I will look for it but not for me to sit back and expect the help to do it for me. It is my life and passion and there for up to me to keep the control and make it work.

Freedom and independance

Freedom, something I took for granted. I am free to leave my front door if and when I want too. I lost my freedom twice now, the first time was when I was no longer able to work in a company and the second time when I had my baby girl. I haven't lost my freedom forever but it is up to me to find new ways to get it back and that takes a while. Although quick fixes get a result quick but often they don't last. I rather work on the long term solution. The first time I looked for something I enjoyed doing, I could earn money with and do it at home. I found out I loved writing and it gives me lots of energy. Beside the writing I focused on getting my health back so I could do simple and daily tasks. I had to strenghten my legs and body to be able to get up out  of bed and to walk around the house. When I got pregnant I stopped all exercises to carry my baby full term after having had 3 miscarriages. Once my baby girl was born my time was fully given to her and again I lost my freedom. My body had gotten so weak that walking was extremely hard so walking out of the door was to me like climbing Kilimanjaro.Writing was impossible and when she was asleep I would look after the house chorus and because my body was so weak it takes me 3 to 4 times longer then before. It is up to me to change my life and get my freedom back. Now that she is 4 months I am able to focus on me more and strenghten myself.Right now it isn't easy but it will help me in the long run.

A healthy looking sick person

I was born with two arms legs, hands and all the other body parts you expect when a baby is born. I am no different then any other human being besides the fact that we are all individuals and special in our own way. Even though I lived healthy enough I took my health for granted even when I was diagnosed with MS and a blood disease that I realised how unhealthy I lived. I still didn't change my life though I only started to do that when my illnesses started to affect my daily activities, I started reading up on my illnesses and how I could improve my life style to improve my health. I stayed under the traditional doctors while looking at other alternatives. I started with my diet and changed habits I had had for 28 years ( the amount of years I had been on earth). It was when I got sick that I realised how much my health means to me. I am now a healthy looking sick person I am not yet fully where I want to be with my health but I will get there.

Good baby advise

When I had my first baby everybody had great advise for me.
Because I didn't know anything about babies I had never changed a nappy and only had held two babies before Lena was born I listened to it all and everybody had their opinion.
So many people give advise about what to do with the baby and how to do things with the baby.
the first 6 weeks I did everything that people advised me to do It was only after the 6 weeks that I started to get to know Lena and what to do.
The advise is all meant really well but it stays advise, I always say advise needs to be made your own.
Now Lena is three months old I know her and what she wants and what works. Now I can prove all those know it all''s wrong. Every baby is different and the person who is with the baby 24/7 knows the baby best.
I am following my own instinct now and when somebody gives advise I take it as advise make it my own or let it go in the one ear and out the other. As a first time mam and never interested in babies I found it all very confusing but together  (Lena and me) we are getting there

Baby feeding

I only held a baby twice in my life before I had my own and never changed a nappy (diaper). That's how much of a new mother I was when my baby Girl was born just before I turned 31.
So many new things to learn that I never realized before. Like that feeding a baby normally takes about an hour ( the time depends on the baby). Before I had Lena I thought she would drink for about ten minutes and be done for another few hours. It was such a shock when I was told it could take up to an hour.  When  I was breast feeding she would fall a sleep after 30 minutes and would have a nap for about twenty minutes before she would continue. after six weeks of breast feeding I changed started with bottle feeds and she then being a bit older was able to keep drinking and not fall a sleep. But still between changing the nappy(diaper), drinking and winding her it takes about an hour.I am curious to know how long the meal time will be for solid foods. I will let you know when I find out in about 2 months